QUESTION:
What’s in the top
dresser
drawer in
your bedroom?
Written by GLORIA NEAL
Photo of Gloria Neal by KIT WILLIAMS
What’s in your top dresser
drawer — an old high-school
sweetheart’s hankie, a rubber-less
swimsuit or unmentionables that
are mentioned all the time?
Whatever is in your drawer,
when you ask a woman that
question, you’d better be ready
for her answer!
Every woman (and let’s be
honest here — every man)
has wanted to look inside
somebody’s drawers —
excuse the pun. Seriously, I believe if we
could, we would snoop in our girlfriend’s
dresser drawers, if we knew we could get
away with it. If you don’t believe me, think
about this — where’s the first place you
look when you go inside someone’s bathroom
after closing the door?
That’s right,
their medicine cabinet. Why? Because the
medicine cabinet is the next best thing to
a top dresser drawer. It reveals a little
something about that woman. In short,
the medicine cabinet may not reveal what
she did last night, but it could explain why
she can’t remember what she did last
night — Honey Hush!
Still, what is this curiosity we women
have when it comes to discovering the
personal habits of other women? Why do
we care? And what does it really say
about the “looker” and the “lookee?”
As I’ve said before, I won’t ever ask a
question of any woman without first asking
it of myself. Now I have to be honest,
I wasn’t completely sure what I would
find in my top dresser drawer ... so I fully
and carefully opened the drawer and cautiously
looked inside. In the front is where
I keep my everyday panties. Just so you
know, I prefer boy shorts to briefs. I
looked all the way in the back where
Horton Hears a Who could’ve been
filmed without my knowledge. To my surprise,
I discovered my “someday”
panties (which I had totally forgotten
about) and my “what were you thinking”
nightie. My “someday” panties are a pair
of panties I saw in a lingerie store, which
I absolutely loved, but did not have the
nerve to try on ... so I purchased them
hoping “someday” they would fit! On the
other hand, my “what were you thinking”
nightie fit ... but boy was it expensive —
$200! Thus the expression, “What were
you thinking?” I wore the nightie one
time — and I wore it well, I might add.
But now it’s in the back of my top drawer,
being used as fabric in “Whoville.” Too
bad I can’t find the receipt. I wonder if Dr.
Suess has a return policy?
Now that you know what’s in my top
bedroom drawer, it’s time to play quid pro
quo. I wanted to know what’s in the top
bedroom drawer of other women in
Denver. But I wasn’t sure how to go
about asking this very personal question.
The other challenge I faced was finding a
big enough sample pool of women, so I
wouldn’t have to start over every time I
scared away a prospect.
First I asked myself, “Glo, where can
you find a lot of women who might be
willing to talk about the contents of their
bedroom drawers, who are in a pretty
good mood — and who wouldn’t mind
verbally exposing themselves to a complete
stranger?” Where else but a
Rockies game at Coors Field?
If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s
that this town loves sports, and a lot of
the women in this town love sports. And
those women love other women who
love sports. I had found my “in,” for I am
a sports fanatic.
The very first group of ladies I came
across was Chelsea, Kristen and Cassidy.
All three were sitting at a bar drinking
beer and dreaming of eating a foot-long
with sauerkraut and ketchup. I heard one
of the ladies refer to her day in a way that let me know she was glad it was over. It
was “Miller-time,” “Mojito-time” and“she-time.” That’s when I flanked them
and said, “Hello ladies. How are ya?”
After introducing myself and exchanging
a few niceties, I fired away. “If I looked in
the top drawer in your bedroom, what
would I find?” After a brief pause, all
three began chirping answers, “Socks,
bras, underwear,” to which I replied,“Boxers or briefs?” Cassidy replied,“Both,” but before I had a chance to
respond to Cassidy, Chelsea said“Bathing suits, lots of bathing suits...” I
asked, “How many?” She said, “About
20.” I asked, “Why so many?” She
replied, “Because I wear out the rubber
in ‘em and I live in the water during the
summer.” Honey Hush!
As I walked away, I couldn’t help but
notice a woman staring at me. So I asked
her, “Do I know you?” She replied, “No.
But I couldn’t help but overhear the question
you asked those ladies.” From that
point, Sheila and I engaged in nonstop
gabbing as though we were participating
in speed dating. I found out that Sheila
wanted to answer my question because
she held a 20-year-old secret. You see,
Sheila kept her high-school sweetheart’s
hankie in her top bedroom drawer. I
asked her how she had been able to keep
this little tidbit of information from her
husband. Her response was, “My highschool
sweetheart has the same initials
as my high school. So whenever my husband
stumbles upon me daydreaming
and rubbing my hankie, he thinks I’m
reminiscing about my days in high
school.” Honey, this gives new meaning
to Fast Times at Ridgemont High!
The next group of women I
approached seemed more reserved, until
I discovered they were Coors Light Girls— which explained their clothing (or lack
thereof). Their names were Lisel,
Jennifer, Lana and Crystal. Initially, these
four ladies laughed at my question, and
began to spill their guts about all the
wrong thongs, bras and nighties that
were crammed inside their top bedroom
drawers. But it wasn’t until they were
joined by Angie, the fifth woman to enjoy
the impromptu party, that they really
began to come undone. After I posed the
same question to Angie, she calmly
explained what was housed in the top
drawer of her bedroom bureau — “Cat
toys.” To which I replied, “Oh, that’s
what they’re calling them these days?”
After the guffawing subsided, Angie
explained that her cat, whose name is
Jackson, sleeps in the bowl of her bathroom
sink, while his toys are kept in her
top bedroom drawer for easy access. Talk
about living a PUUURRRfect life!
Next up I happened upon Melanie and
Lori. They were my hardest “nuts” to
crack. I can usually tell when women
want to talk. And even though these two
were talking nonstop to each other, it was
definitely an “A and B” conversation. “C”
(that would be me), was going to have to
charm her way into this bad-boy.
So I gave my usual greeting, but this
time I put my hand out as I introduced
myself. There’s something so personal
about shaking hands with another
woman. I guess a simple explanation is
our hands reveal our life in an instant.
The softness or roughness of a life
lived, which then makes the “shaker”
and the “shakee” want to know more
about whose hand they’re touching.
Why are her hands so soft? What does
she use on them to make them so soft?
Or why are her hands so rough? Has
she lived a hard life?
When I got around to my question,
Melanie explained that she was a practicing“witch” and she kept “witchy stuff”
in her top bedroom drawer ... along with
DVDs and “date” panties. Well, you
know I had to ask, “What are date
panties?” She replied “Well, it depends
on what kinda date I’m going on that
night.” Since she was a witch, I didn’t
have the nerve to ask her if her broom
was a hybrid. After all, I’m sure witches
want to go green too.
Lori’s answer to my question was
more conventional: “Silk thongs from
Victoria’s Secret and Jockey’s hipsters
from Target.” I adored her answers
because it allowed me to envision cotton
and silk peacefully co-existing in the same
drawer, wondering which was going to be
called to duty first. “Silk thong reporting
for duty. What’s my mission, Lori?” Now,
I know you think I’m crazy, but if my drawer
can house the fabric of Whoville, then
Lori’s drawer can play a role in the sequel
to Mission Impossible III.
Wouldn’t you know, just three weeks
after my encounter with Melanie and Lori
outside Coors Field, I ran across them
again at Saks Fifth Avenue. I was the mistress
of ceremonies for a YMCA fundraiser,
which they both attended. At the
conclusion of the program, they
approached me and said, “Tell me, Gloria,
what’s in the top drawer of your bedroom?”
We couldn’t stop laughing.
If you have a question you want Gloria
to write about in “Talkables,”
e-mail her
at gloria@denverwoman.com.
